So you've met someone special
on the Web. They are far away from you, but within minutes, distance seems to
shrink. The first private chats blew your minds. You could hardly believe that
two people had so much in common. This is it,
yes? Yes.
yes? Yes.
The impulse is to meet your
new best friend, as quickly as possible. You want a time machine so you can
leave yesterday. Why wait? After all, you click so well on the computer and
during phone calls. And don't forget the text convos that continued well past
bedtime.
But check your speed before you
ride a cloud out of sight, lover. Here are 4 things to remember, before Cupid's
arrow grows barbs:
1) Slow down. If it's been less than a month, and you two are
already planning to meet in person, the pace is too quick. Let the passion
fade. Wait until you've had at least a few I don't know anymore if s/he's
the one moments. Even having never met, your reaction on those occasions
when one of you discovers a white lie or are otherwise disappointed will say a
lot.
It's good when the two of you
heal from those moments later, together. Yet do not be fooled into substituting
these emotions in favor of real-world contact. Physical proximity gives you the
sounds and scents of another person, their microexpressions, and the way we all
look when exhausted or waking up. Wifi cannot transmit all of that yet.
2) Talk to your most
trusted friends. Most people have at
least one wise listener in their lives. Get them alone, and listen to the
advice even if you don't agree.
If you are the host for this
lovestruck meeting, arrange a collision between your potential partner and a
few whose opinions you admire. Even a short exchange could tell you how your
new circle might get along.
Children from previous
relationships will also give a good reading of the situation. Pay
attention--most of all, to your own instincts. The body knows.
3) Temper your
expectations. Be realistic about this
person you're tumbling over. You are basically starting all over again. Knowing
everything about people is not the same as knowing them. Forget this at
your peril.
The typed words, photos and
videos may not represent the person accurately. In those moments before you lay
eyes on each other, focus on simply loving your potential as they are. For both
to be so accepting is rare. All of your communication has been electronic. Now
you've landed in the real world, and real-world relationships are difficult.
4) Make a plan. Try not to be that person racing through terminals,
having secured an last-minute invite from your love. Those looking to hook up
will find this advice worthless. If this is you, enjoy the casual encounter.
You will find that rushing makes the landing tricky.
For the reasonable traveler:
Book a hotel room near your potential's house, and find your own
transportation. Remember, you are actually meeting for the first time. Prepare
for the possibility that the connection will fizzle within a few hours, and
don't get stuck in an awkward situation.
Read more about online dating and romance for the reasonable man.
Explore her town on your own
at least once. Try not to spend every single minute together during the visit.
Even if sparks are flying, at least you can look forward to returning to one another's embrace. Happy
traveling!