Video: The Sports Cult

doppelgänger: Duterte v. Dennis Haysbert

NBA 2K16-8: Roanoke Railguns, Home Stretch & Round 1 v Miami Heat

SIM TIME: the CPU gave the Roanoke Railguns (49-7) wins over Indiana and Atlanta.

Then it was a hosting of the Phoenix Suns. Simulation gave us a win earlier, so they deserved a human-controlled whuppin this time around... Eric Bledsoe and Tyson Chandler weren't looking too scary after the tight OT with Cleveland. final, 75-47. John Derry Stevens was given the nod but only made 7 of his 25 shots. 

Roanoke was 55-7. New Orleans was in town. Our team chemistry was 0%, along with an 18-game winning streak...

The Roanoke Railguns [arg] was injured and/or exhausted from the long season, top to bottom. Everyone's ratings had -10 or -6 next to them. None of the other teams (computer controlled) looked like that.

Because of the lowered ratings, the team wasn't as good. The Pelicans and Railguns exchanged leads most of the first half, until Roa put up a flurry... which was quickly erased by New Orleans. All of the usual tactics weren't working. Every swipe at the ball just made us foul instead of steal. Maybe CPU was making it realistic because of all our thirty-point victories. There was a mandate from the league offices to referees...

With one minute to go, the Pelicans were up 69-63. There were no ways to come back. And the Pelicans weren't beating us. "Not this year."

 **RESET**

Roanoke was 55-7. New Orleans was in town. Our team chemistry was 0%, along with an 18-game winning streak...

The Roanoke Railguns [arg] was injured and/or exhausted from the long season, top to bottom. Everyone's ratings had -10 or -6 next to them. None of the other teams (computer controlled) looked like that.

The second try looked a lot like the first. Apparently the team fatigue was for real. Had to double tap the steal and block buttons to get through this one. final 77-59.

We decided, spur of the moment, to simulate the remainder of the regular season. 

the starting line-up on the final day of the regular season.

final record 69-13.

#1 in the East.

Could have set the single season wins record if we had played every game by hand. Maybe another time... this

Quinn Nevalove

time we just want to get through the playoffs and see the offseason. Curiosity. 

The Miami Heat was the first round opponent....

Game 1, at Roanoke: Roanoke wins, 62-55. Miami made it close at the end. Stevens scored 21 and new starter Swole Whitehead had 8 assists. Somewhere in that last two weeks of simulation, the Railguns lost Joe Dumars to a hamstring injury. Out of action 1-2 weeks. 

Game 2, at Roanoke: Roanoke wins, 67-56. On paper, the Heat are a much better team. 89 rtg to ARG's 72.

But that doesn't account for getting their hands and arms HACKED for the entire game by whichever Railgun happened to be nearby... Stevens shot about 4 for 20. He tried too hard at times the entire season. He thought because he was the owner's son, he needed to carry the water. But Quinn Nevalove, our Chris Bosh-esque forward, had 15 pts, 8 reb, 6 steals. 'Nuff said.

Game 3, at Miami: Roanoke wins, 77-50. Not the best start as Stevens got a three blocked by Deng. Things have definitely changed ever since the Havlicek trade. We knew Joe Johnson was not a good return but were hoping for some good draft picks in the off season. Too soon to tell on that one. We were going to win the title, but the

Brooklyn Nets weren't any good and we had their pick from the trade as well.

Our starting lineup was much weaker than at the start of the year, and every player was injured and/or exhausted. Pretty realistic... 

Scoring and shooting accuracy were way down in the tournament for us. Coach thought the players were rushing, trying too hard to recapture regular season success. Slowing things down actually helped. Center Mack Long went strong as he is prone to do. Not bad for 69 rated player--16 first half points.

Game 4, at Miami. Miami wins, 62-55. Every other series in the tourney was at 3-1. Could have taken that as

an omen, but we weren't superstitious, said Coach. But the CPU wouldn't relent. Every Miami player had stickum on their dribbling hand, couldn't get it away from them. "They are in serious troubled back in Roanoke," Coach said, angry at postgame.

Game 5, at Roanoke. Roanoke clinches, 63-52. Stevens started off with a 15-point first quarter, outscoring all of Miami. He was unhappy with his Game Four. Made up

for it this time, with 13 of 21 shooting and 31 points with some assists and steals... Nevalove went 13, 8, and 7... 

Next round, v Atlanta...

Are You Blind?: Wrong Sports Haircuts

Why do some many of America's rising sports stars have hairstyles that look like a cross between homeless and 1980s lesbian chic?

The radical Jerry Rubin says in his book, DO IT, "Young kids identify short hair with authority, discipline, unhappiness, boredom, rigidity, hatred of right, and long hair with letting go... Wherever we go, our hair tells people where we stand on Vietnam, Wallace, campus disruption, dope. We are living TV commercials for the revolution..."

Revolution requires a break from the old. Hence, revolutionaries are using modern art, modern music, and a change in dress styles and hair styles as a part of this break from the establishment. This opens the mind of the youth to a break with the old political ideologies and prepares him for a revolution. This is why the Christian should not fall prey to the enemy by adopting the outward changes that are used to bring about a new social order.  --Jack Hyles

Dr. Ralph Grimson is a clinical professor of psychiatry at U.C.L.A. School of Medicine; he told the American Medical Association, “I believe one of the reasons that young males and females wear their hair alike and dress alike stems from their fear of the opposite sex.  Long-haired boys and girls seek a twin, not a sweetheart or a lover.  They are only secure with someone who resembles themselves.”  This is not a fundamentalist preacher!  It’s a U.C.L.A. psychiatrist who says that the reason boys and girls dress alike is because they’re afraid not to dress alike.

What are those young men with long hair really saying? Marshall McLuhan asked theoretically, “In what may seem a ludicrous statement, they are sending a message to all who will listen: ‘We are no longer afraid to display what you may call feminine.  We are willing to reveal that we have feelings and weaknesses’” 

Getting a little too close? 

Did you know that false religion is usually built on the breakdown of the sexes?  The Greek Hermaphroditus was divided at the waist; the top half was female, the lower half was male, and both were worshiped. 

2 Corinthians 4:4 - In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.

Heathen religions often worship a god that is half male and half female, split vertically down the middle; one side has a woman’s breast and the other side has a man’s body.   --Jack Hyles

UnOfficial Endorsement: Salted Caramel Ice Cream Cookie Sandwiches from 600 lb. Gorillas

Stuffed With Lurv 22: Bill Belichick

Stuffed With Lurv: Test Takers

That kid sitting up front has no face....